faelwen

Writer's Block: You, the Movie

2008-07-16T02:50:29Z

If your life was made into a movie, what type of movie would you want it to be? Who would you choose to play yourself? Who would play the important people in your life?

Submitted By amayasora2992

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Social realism.
Anna Friel.
I'm not sure.

Dil: I've just realized... You're the John Locke to my Jack Shephard! <3

2008-06-01T21:06:55Z

Quick and painless life-update:

Semester is over, passed all my classes. (Go me.)
Working at the theatre rocks. (It's a little weird.)
Everything else is pretty much the same. Which doesn't bother me one bit.
Should be getting a car soon, if not soon then by next semester.
Won't really be able to afford to put gas in it so i'm not sure what i'm thinking.
It's all good though.

We're having a beer-b-q tonight. I should call Anna.

aesthetic_end @ 2008-05-08T22:22:00

2008-05-09T02:34:56Z

finals week is finally here. on monday i perform my monologue(act 2 scene 2 of the crucible, which was cut out of most productions other than the original and can be found in the appendix), hand in a paper on toni morrison's beloved(great book) and take a test on brave new world. wednesday is just to get grades on those three things and thursday is my abnormal psych final. which i probably wont do good on. i actually failed the test on the anxiety and personality disorders chapter. i know, right? that's like not being able to write an autobiography. i don't know if i really failed it, he uses that standard deviation curve bullshit and i got a negative number so, i think that's not good. whatever, it's booshit anyway. he told us a joke in class today that i will now share.

what do you get when you cross an epileptic with romaine lettuce?

a seizure salad!

hahahaha. peace

Writer's Block: Step into My Closet

2008-05-09T00:52:15Z

How many pair of shoes do you have? Out of those pairs, how many do you wear more than a few times a year?

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Technically, 3. A pair of chucks($14, from payless) that I wear pretty much all the time(they're falling apart), a pair of flats that cost $8 and a pair of high heels($18) for occasions. Materialism is not my thing. I guess I could understand if someone had a seemingly uncontrollable compulsion to buy things, i.e. shoes; but reckless spending, if for no other reason than "looking good" is pointless. No one cares what you look like. I've tried to explain this to many-a-friend. When you go to class do you sit down and examine everyone around you and notice if they wear the same thing twice? No, you don't. No one does that. And of course it's easy to think people are noticing you, but they're really not. Just like you're not noticing them.
I always wear the same thing, because college is a pain in the ass and so is laundry. To the self proclaimed "shop-a-holics" out there: Stop spending money on things you don't need, go to your church and ask to sponsor a kid in south america for $30 dollars a month. They get medical care, better education, better home life and the knowledge that someone out there really does care if they eat that night or if they have a proper bed to sleep in. Plus, they write you letters and they are the sweetest things ever. I'd take the warm feeling you get inside from helping someone in need over a pair of manolo blahniks anyday.

Writer's Block: It's Too Late to Apologize

2008-05-07T15:27:02Z

Has anyone ever done something so horrible to you that "I'm sorry" couldn't fix it?

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No. I'm sure that's only because I try to be forgiving. Like Jesus. With me, everyone gets second chances and the benefit of the doubt. I get taken advantage of a bit, if I'm not careful, but even the people who have done me wrong still deserve my help if they need it. For a while I thought that it was pointless to be that way, because it seemed like I wasn't getting anything out of it, but I soon realized that getting something good for yourself through any means isn't really the point. That's not supposed to be your incentive. Once you learn that for yourself, you start to see that you do have wonderful things in your life, because you make them wonderful. What makes me sad is that some people never learn these things. So it goes.

hooray!

2008-04-29T03:25:03Z

The second installment of 'Playful Penguins!' has been officially named 'Rogue Unicorns!'. I figured I'd follow the adjective + animal pattern and give a Flight of the Conchords tribute at the same time. Still narrowing down the tracklist but some of the artists include: Rainer Maria, The Breeders, Oasis, Silversun Pickups, The Long Winters, Modest Mouse(would have been a perfect album title), The Mars Volta, the Beatles, The Who and Enon. Oh, and Rogue Wave... =P. As soon as I decide on a final tracklist and order them correctly, they will be burned and distributed to all of you, who don't actually read this.

Oh! and Seabear, who I love so very much.

Writer's Block: Here's the Skinny...

2008-04-20T19:10:45Z

Yes, actually. This is one adolencent human experience that I actually was a part of. The whole thing is a bit fuzzy, but it involved wearing all black(as to insure maximum sneakage) breaking a few laws and climbing a twelve foot fence. I believe we wrote our names in whiteout on a desk in the office of the place we snuck into, which was a public pool but I doubt I'll ever go back there. That was just one of the many very scary but ultimately greatest experiences I had with this guy who for some reason unknown to the rest of us, has ball-and-chained himself to a girl everyone hates and decided he didn't want to be himself anymore. I do miss hanging out with him, but mostly I just feel sorry for him. A guy who was once considered cool enough to break into a public pool in the middle of the night and take a fourty five minute ride home in the back of a pickup truck in the pouring rain is now painfully devoid of all characteristics I would consider attractive.

Have you ever been skinny dipping?

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Marcus finally chose a book for us to read that wasn't unmitigated garbage(Beloved by Toni Morrison)

2008-04-19T17:31:27Z

Decided to start writing in this again. Don't think I'll have much to say. Life update: three jobs, A's in all my classes, not doing drugs, responsibility is lame. Life is incredibly boring. I cannot stress that enough. I don't think the summer will be any different, i'll still be working constantly and at the same time somehow managing to be poorer and poorer.

On the brighter side of things
Caitlin is doing a gigantic painting of me and it looks awesome.
Cathy is driving(not so often) but it takes the pressure off of me a bit, which is nice.
Dil is on her way home from florida. need i say more?
Yes. As long as Dil is home, everything is alright.
Melissa will be home soon.
I got my headshots done Thursday night. for free!

It's beautiful out but my mom is power washing the fence so it's too loud to go outside if you're within a 2 block radius of our backyard. So i nixed reading under my tree. Power washer also creates a serious splash back effect, not enjoyable.

I guess ill go back to bed until work at 6, which ironically coincides with the bbq my family just decided to have tonight, how nice.

aesthetic_end @ 2008-04-18T14:41:00

2008-04-18T18:52:42Z

WEARING: cerulean
MAKEUP WEARING: not much
EATING/DRINKING: jamba
LAST THING SAID: Adagio ruin: then i imagine we'll probably play lotr in my backyard
LAST PHONE CALL: cathy
IN YOUR PURSE: book of prayers, chapstick, phone, ipod/headphones, smokes/lighter, gum, money, id, xanax, library card
LAST WATCH ON TV: king of the hill
PLANS FOR TODAY: picking up caitlin from school, going to jamba juice...again, then work at 6
LAST THING BOUGHT: rainbow cookies
LISTENING TO: dispatch
LAST SHOWERED: bout an hour ago
WENT TO BED/WOKE UP: 2am last night, 9am this morning
LAST IM: caitlin
READING: slaughterhouse-five
I NEED: ...i'm good.
LOOKING FORWARD TO: vacation, dil
FAVE PERSON OF THE DAY: caitlin
WORST PART OF THE DAY: nothing really.
BEST PART OF THE DAY: most of it.
ATE TODAY: granola and cantaloupe
THINKING ABOUT: things
CURRENT ANNOYANCE: nothing, poverty maybe
CURRENT OBESSESION: jamba juice

here

2007-10-24T05:36:09Z

i wish i could remember

the very moment

i gave up all control

because it's proving difficult

to win myself over
with promises of better things to come.

and to answer your outstanding question:

yes, i have.

and it would be best if that were your last, but

the dynamic shifted so quickly

i'm having trouble gathering

myself up and holding my breath

with anticipation

to see if i will be standing

when the smoke finally clears.

and if this time, you'll not be here.

Amen.

2007-10-21T18:00:43Z

You know what's lame? People not seeing you for who you are. People who don't hear the messages you have to bring them either because they're too into themselves to hear anyone else or because they just don't believe you have anything substantial to teach them. It won't be like that forever, though. I mean, if it is then...there is no point. And how boring it is to think that Life has no point. Atheism is the highest form of arrogance I can imagine. Everything is so intricately connected and complex. There's no way anyone will ever scientifically prove existence. I read something yesterday about finding your Life's purpose and how most people fail because they start at the wrong place: themselves. To find your life's purpose you have to start with the one who made you, with God. In the book they gave the example of an new invention that no one had ever seen. You don't know how to use this invention and it certainly can't tell you how to use it so you have to turn to the inventor or the users manual. Users manual, you say? Yes. We have one. And it tells us why we are here, how we should go about living our lives, what to look out for and stay away from and what will come after it's all done. But now people are just becoming so selfish that they can't possibly conform to such a following. Let me tell you something, following Christ and conforming to the laws of God is not weak. It is not a way to let your troubles go by chalking it up to fate. Because only after you've gotten past the selfish wants of the human endeavor, only after you've learned right from wrong, righteousness from wickedness can you let go of your precious "pride" and your mortal handicaps and realize that Life is not about you. Even your own Life has nothing to do with you. It is for God and of God. It is what God needs to happen. You're here for his purpose. Only after you let go of your inevitable inability to really control anything, can you be comfortable and ready to accept the Lord, Jesus Christ and conform as best you know how.

aesthetic_end @ 2007-10-18T16:51:00

2007-10-18T20:54:32Z

My DVR is broken! "Disk Errors". Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!?!! All my shows. Gone. Ghost Hunters, Malcolm in the Middle, The Office, Scrubs, Lost, Flight of the Conchords. Seasons upon season of my favourite shows. All gone. Fuckin' weak.

I love you but enough is enough

2007-10-11T21:37:42Z

Today Grapes and I danced and twirled around in the torrential downpours. it's safe to say it was the most fun I've had all year, plus now we've got a memory we'll never forget. All the people driving by were probably laughing at us, but we couldn't resist. It was amazing. New Radiohead is very fitting for this day. Everyone I saw today said they same thing "I feel so strange today". Like something is slightly off. ledarktrick: Like, spacey. Like your mind is wandering more than normal and you don't realize it until you've been zoned out for quite some time. It is a very weird day. The rain dancing helped alot. Anyway, time for GH2. Peace.

Modern Poetry

2007-10-11T05:29:04Z

We've been doing some disturbing poems in class lately. Like, Nightmare invoking.

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all convictions, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all around it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

The last three lines are brilliant.

We also read "the Waste Land" by T.S. Elliot and she had us take a dozen or so lines from the nearly 14 page poem and arrange them as we saw fit. So this was mine...

O O O O that Shakeshperian Rag.

It's so elegant,

so intelligent.

Ta, ta. Goodnight, goodnight.

Pressing lidless eyes and waiting for a knock upon the door.

Hurry up, Please, it's time!

Do you know anything? Do you see anything? Do you remember anything?

I remember

those are pearls that were your eyes.

Are you alive or not? Is there nothing inside your head?

You are a proper fool, I said.

Ta ta. Goodnight, goodnight.

what can we do to restore our innocence?

2007-10-03T02:26:29Z

Shine - Alexi Murdoch

I wonder why
we are the way we are
and why
we only love each from afar

this is how we are fighting
this is how we are fighting
time

you spend your days
watching the door
yeah you spend your whole life waiting
but you don't know what for
you have everything you need right here
still you want more

oh this is how we are fighting
this is how we are fighting
time

well I didn't come here
looking for a soul
and I'm tired of watching dust
collecting in a bowl
I'm a spirit trying to be human
I'm just a spirit trying to be human

but I'm thinking this is how we are fighting
this is how we are fighting
time

you hold on to yourself
you're afraid that you might
get left behind
and so you hide your eyes
you're afraid that the light
will make you blind

but it's time
it's time to shine

yes it's time to believe in what you know
time to believe in what you know
time to believe in what you know
and you don't need strength to be strong
time to believe in what you know
no you don't need strength to be strong
time to believe in what you know
time to believe in what you know
time to believe in what you know
time to believe in what you know

time to believe before you go

super breakfast hero's

2007-10-01T00:07:08Z

Aba2ca: holy crepes batman! the riddler stole the worlds entire supply of syrup!

Aba2ca: go go gadget waffles...

adagio ruin: my sausage sense is tingling!

adagio ruin: that's sounds inappropriate and possibly borderline homosexual

adagio ruin: than again, i am inappropriate and borderline homosexual so it makes perfect sense.

sub arbore sedet

2007-09-24T18:56:59Z

Today, I replaced one of the insufferable, tri-weekly, hour and fifteen minute sessions of solving for x with sitting under my favourite grove of cherry blossoms on the small hill behind the library, with Yeats. It was nice. At one point, a squirrel ran across the branches above me and I clicked my tongue and he stopped fast and turned and stared right at me. We both sat for a minute and I clicked a few times more, lower, and he jumped four branches closer but when I reached in my bag for a honey wheat pretzle for him, he ran back up, found a crossing of strong branches and layed down to sleep. Which is when I turned, unknowingly, to:

To A Squirrel At Kyle-Na-Gno

Come play with me;
Why should you run
Through the shaking tree
As though I'd a gun
To strike you dead?
When all I would do
Is to scratch your head
And let you go.

With that, I am reassured that I am exactly where I should be. As if I'd ever really questioned my path.

happy birthday

2007-09-23T18:54:06Z

you could have just answered the phone.

Yes

2007-09-21T22:35:52Z

We like to sit in my backyard and smoke cigarettes and contemplate existence. By we I mean myself and the occasional friend. Mostly Amy. Lately I've been stuck in my head... There's something inside that I couldn't explain if I tried. I know the essence of it very well, but I just can't put it into words. We practice altruism daily. We want to change the world. I think my biggest fear is never being able to get that message that I still don't know how to communitcate, out to the world... to anyone. To enlighten just one person, I would not have lived in vain. Ghandi said to 'Be the change you want to see in the world' and I think that is one thing we model ourselves after. Ani Difranco said "The kindness I've lavished on strangers is more than I can explain... Still, there's many who've turned out their porch lights just so I would think they were not home and hid in the dark of their windows, till I passed and left them alone" Why is it that the good people... the people who have real morals and who do things for others without expecting anything in return are the ones who get mocked and pushed aside and regarded as crazy. I know that the only reason people do that is because they are afraid... they're scared to realize that we are everything they can't be. People just distract themselves with their jobs and tie themselves down to their non-realities with material possessions. They can't explore their own minds because there's nothing to explore. They believe that God is dead. Atheism, to me, is the highest form of arrogance. I pity those people, who are just so disjointed and apathetic that they can't let go of their pride and accept that we are not here by chance. We don't rule ourselves or our world. Those people have no hope and too many vices. What's so bad about believing? You live your life beliving in God and in return you get Hope and a little happiness and when you die, if you were right and there is a God, you live for enternity in Nirvana-- if you're wrong... you'll never know. But if you live your life away from God you become more jaded everyday and then when you die and you're wrong... you're screwed. So, the way I see it, If you believe you can't lose. But it just isn't that easy for some people. It is kind of sad, because we(I wish there was a name for the kind of peoeple we are) are a minority among humankind. There are many more selfish, ignorant people then there are good, hopeful people. That is the way it has to be though, our message wouldn't be as important if everyone were like us. It would be redundant. But I know now, that as long as there is One of us alive... there will always be hope.

"Well, sometimes... I think mean thoughts about the person" - Jermaine.

2007-09-21T03:38:27Z

There's something I can't quite shake. I don't know if it's a feeling or a vibe but it still hasn't gone away. The last time we spoke, your girlfriend was in earshot and you regarded me as "mah nigga". That was lame.

listen to...

2007-09-16T05:55:13Z

Alexi Murdoch.

aesthetic_end @ 2007-09-10T00:32:00

2007-09-10T04:44:17Z

it all waits, breathing heavy

against the walls.

you locked the door and drew the shades.

hollowed shell aside,

i slide

carefully through that aquatic mess.

not under your watch now,

i sink into your sheets and skin

against your quietly pleading hands.

aesthetic_end @ 2007-09-06T18:42:00

2007-09-06T22:58:31Z

i'm hearing you inside my head
as he pulls me through the front door,
tasting your thoughts on my mouth.
what you've done to him
is irreversibly bad.
hiding from the landlord,
he's just inhaled his rent.
shifting his eyes to avoid mine,
he lies without wasting any time
and i know you see us

hiding in each others
skin

still searching for
what we couldn't find in you.

aesthetic_end @ 2007-09-05T21:34:00

2007-09-06T01:35:05Z

you showed up on sunday morning,
idle and hidden;
smoking and twisting your legs.
there was a certain air
that carried away
what little
sense i had left.
you shrugged
and i envied
the ease
with which you
sealed your eyes to the world.

aesthetic_end @ 2007-09-04T18:09:00

2007-09-04T22:13:02Z

"i hope you meet someone your height
so you can see eye to eye
with someone as small as you"

burn!